When something good enters your life, you might expect to feel excitement or relief. But for many people, positive change can bring a surprising wave of anxiety. You might notice a sense of dread, a feeling that something isn’t quite right, or the urge to pull back just as things begin to go well.

From a nervous system perspective, this response makes sense. The body is wired to detect patterns and protect you from potential harm. When something is new—even if it’s good—it can register as unfamiliar and therefore uncertain. For those who have experienced loss, disappointment, or relational trauma, this uncertainty can feel especially intense.

Understanding why good things feel scary is an important step toward responding with curiosity instead of self-judgment. With time and support, your nervous system can begin to recognize that safety, stability, and positive experiences are possible.

A therapist’s reflections on Holy Hurt, exploring religious trauma, evangelical Christianity, and the slow, embodied return to self-trust.

For those who have left high-control religious environments, the holiday season can stir up old memories, complicated emotions, and questions about belonging. This post is for anyone who has navigated the painful gap between the comfort a faith community once offered and the emotional or spiritual harm that ultimately made leaving necessary. If you’ve ever carried a yearning for the past and hurt in the same breath, or wondered why these experiences still echo years later, you may find pieces of your own story reflected here.

The word Noctua is Latin, and means ‘night owl’. It is connected to the latin word for night, which is ‘nox’. For me, an owl flying at night is a many-layered metaphor for our experience as human beings. Often, we find ourselves in the dark, trying to make out the path ahead. It can be a solitary journey, as few others are able to overcome their own fears to be alongside us in dark times.

In the therapy room, I collaborate with folks I work with to uncover the ways we are impacted by colonialism, racialization and white supremacy. Those impacts are there all the time, like the air that we breathe, causing harm to everyone. Even if we can’t see them clearly, we keep trying.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is designed to help people heal from trauma without reliving painful experiences in detail. Using techniques like guided eye movements, EMDR helps the brain reprocess "stuck" memories, reducing the intensity of flashbacks, emotional triggers, and physical symptoms. It’s a safe, compassionate method proven effective for PTSD, anxiety, and other trauma-related struggles. For those feeling burdened by their past, EMDR offers a gentle path toward relief, healing, and reconnection.

There is nothing wrong with you if you hate to meditate and yoga makes you want to scream.